With the world on edge, Rochester residents uncover ways of coping with stress
Marie Maher’s phone used to light up often with a text from her daughter: “I need a hug.” Sometimes, eagerly awaiting one of their frequent catch-ups where they’d sit in her living room and swap stories, Maher would send her daughter the same text.
But after staff at Shorewood Senior Campus announced visitors would no longer be allowed in community due to the rapidly expanding coronavirus outbreak, Maher sat alone in her room, realizing though her daughter lived just minutes away, she wouldn’t feel her hug for some time.
“This all happened so suddenly,” Maher, 76, said.
As COVID-19 sinks its fingers into all corners of the nation, Rochester is not immune. And residents are starting to deal with the anxiety of slashed incomes, threats to personal health and social distancing.
For Maher, the pandemic hasn’t drastically changed her daily routine. Yet, it fills her with dread thinking of the possibility that her children, and grandchildren, could be affected. Not being able to see them is worse.
“I’m an introvert. And I like alone time,” Maher said. “But I’ll tell you, this feels different... because it isn’t a choice.”
Managing your mental health
While Sunny Prabhakar, 31, is able to continue working at his software company job from home, an entertainment company he owns has suffered greatly from the outbreak.
With revenue from that live concert company at zero, he is finding ways to provide for his eight employees while taking care of his family. One of his wife’s businesses has also been closed in the midst of the outbreak.
“We’re in it together, for sure,” said Prabhakar. “I think the tough part we both struggle with is how long it’s going to last... for our different companies. But also from a mental health standpoint.”
Meanwhile, his son, two-year-old Elias, has been home from daycare recovering from a cough. While it can be hectic to balance taking calls with caring for his son, Prabhakar said he’s found joy in these new circumstances.
“I’m spending a lot more time at home with my wife and my son. And being able to appreciate some of that quality time together is really good.”
This mentality is one Dr. Lisa Hardesty, clinical psychologist at Mayo Clinic Health System, says is vital to being resilient through immense challenges like the coronavirus outbreak.
“A grateful brain is not an anxious brain,” Hardesty said, emphasizing that journaling about what brings joy in tumultuous times can ease the fears that often cloud judgment.
“Use this time to prioritize and get perspective,” she said.
Hardesty opened up about how even she — a resiliency coach — has been experiencing increased stress recently. One remedy she employs is grabbing her journal and drawing two bubbles in it: one filled with factors she can control and another with ones she can’t. Then, she focuses her energy on the bubble of controllables.
It’s something Jonny Yucuis, 31, practices with his wife when they worry about the ripple effects of the outbreak in Rochester.
“We recognize there’s only so much you can control,” he said, adding that whenever they’re feeling worried or stressed about how their life will change during this pandemic, they try to focus on the positive.
Practicing ‘self-compassion’
As Rochester residents, and people around the globe, practice social distancing, Hardesty said it’s natural to feel a change in our moods and mental states.
“We have different biomarkers in our brain from responding to other people,” Hardesty said. Though some may still communicate with their loved ones over the phone, she says they can’t replace the biological responses to face-to-face interactions, such as being more likely to laugh or smile when the other person does.
“We’re missing out on some of those biological pieces by not being together,” she said.
The first step to fighting the sadness of losing such interactions is acknowledging these emotions without guilt, a practice Hardesty calls “self-compassion.”
Another method to combat them is reminding yourself why social isolation is necessary: to slow the spread of this virus and avoid overwhelming the nation’s medical system. Hardesty said by focusing on the social good of one’s actions — or inaction — it can be easier to overcome negative emotions.
In the midst of the outbreak, local providers such as Family Service Rochester are now providing telehealth counseling services to assist patients remotely. Hardesty said in her role with Mayo Clinic, the new telehealth capabilities are “one of the biggest blessings as a practitioner,” allowing her to continue providing care to those who need it during this extraordinarily taxing time.
“Out of the rubble, my practice will forever be changed,” Hardesty said.
‘We’re all in this together’
As she sits in her Shorewood room, Maher continues to process her surroundings by posting daily Facebook messages, describing what she is looking forward to accomplishing while practicing social distancing, lauding the healthcare workers for their bravery and encouraging others to reach out to her if they’re feeling stressed.
It keeps her mind off things, but it’s also a tool to help those around her, she says.
“I’m posting for us all. Because we’re all in this together.”
Maher said as terrible as the virus is, it’s exposing the network of support woven into the Rochester community.
“In many ways, it’s such an awesome time. Even though we have those moments of fear.”
Nora Eckert is a freelance journalist with experience working for NPR and The Associated Press. Before getting her master’s in journalism at the University of Maryland, she worked at a biotech company in Rochester. Soon, she’ll be joining The Wall Street Journal’s podcasting team as an intern.
Cover photo: Marie Maher looks out her window to see her daughter, Becky, waving back at her / submitted
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